BuzzWords

[Eric Stork]

                    Buzz Words by the Numbers

There is circulating in Washington, D.C., a "foolproof system for
those wishing to appear more learned than they are."  It is
called "convoluted phraseology."

Here is how it works:

    .   When you need to "language up", select at random any
        three-digit number.

    .   Look up the words associated with your number in the
        table below (one digit per column).

      Col. 1              Col. 2              Col. 3

   0. integrated       0. management         0. options 
   1. total            1. organizational     1. options 
   2. systematized     2. monitored          2. capability 
   3. parallel         3. reciprocal         3. capability 
   4. functional       4. digital            4. programming 
   5. responsive       5. logistical         5. concept 
   6. optimal          6. transitional       6. time-phase 
   7. synchronized     7. incremental        7. projection 
   8. compatible       8. third-generation   8. hardware 
   9. balanced         9. policy             9. contingency 

For example, 379 produces "parallel incremental contingency."  No
one knows what that means, but it sounds impressive.

Now, someone truly clever out there in Netland should develop a
module that can be integrated into any word processor so that
when a specially defined key is hit, the module will:

    .   Generate a three-digit random number,

    .   Reach into the table for the Buzz Words, and

    .   Insert the appropriate phrase into the document
        being prepared.


Upward and onward.