A Death in the Family

[George E. Russell]

Thank you, Peter, for sharing this information with us.  Working as a counselor
for a number of years now, I'd like to add my own input.

>What I have been doing since then (other than a massive reappraisal of my
>priorities) is to make this event as much of a positive thing as I can -
>it's my way of coping.

It's my way of coping too.  I work a great deal with AIDS patients, where death
is *almost* a certainty.  Unfortunately, many of these people have been shunned by society, friends and family.  The concept of making preparations for your 
own death becomes magnified in such cases.  Do you want a DNR order on your 
hospital chart?  What is to become of your assets after you die?  (Especially
relevant in cases where the family has "disowned" the person.)  

If you are in a, shall I use the term "non-traditional", relationship with    
another person, is that person provided for?  Nowhere in the US are domestic
partner relationships recognized (although a bill is before the San Francisco
city council today).  This allows for the biological family of a decedent to be
awarded the entirety of the estate, without consideration of the domestic rela-
tionship that may have existed for years.

What if you are disabled, rather than die?  "West 57th Street" recently showed
a spot on Sharon Kowalski, a woman who was severly crippled in an auto accident.Her lover of umpteen years, Karen Thompson, was making significant progress with her through physical therapy (Karen is a licensed physical therapist), but 
Sharon's parents were not aware of the relationship and were granted legal guardianship of their daughter, refusing Karen visitation rights.  Sharon's condition deteriorated.  Only recently did a Federal Court grant Karen visitation rights, and since then, Sharon has reversed the deterioration she had experienced during Karen
s
absence.

>"Talk to your parents...
>       while you still can."

this is great advice.  It MUST be known what your wishes are and those of the 
people whose deaths will affect you personally.

>Remember, your parents (or your wife or YOU <or your significant other>) can
>be in perfect health...,but sooner or later you (and they) are going to die.
>There is absolutely no reason to inflict poor planning on the survivors.  They
>are going to feel like several trucks hit them and they don't need to find out
>that some "trivial" detail that could be taken care of "someday" is now sending
>Mom to live in the poor house.

There are many competent professionals (individuals and agencies) who are well
versed in cases like these.  Consulting with them while you are able to is the
only way to ensure that your wishes will be carried out in the event of your 
death or incapacitation.  A lawyer who serves on the Advisory Board for my counseling service always tells us that "your NEVER too young to have a will."  How right she is!

finally,

>I am posting to the two computer groups because even hackers who never come out
>of the machine room need to think about this subject.

Well, Peter, although I'm not a "hacker" by any means, my access to certain groups is restricted by my employer.  Luckily, the two comp groups that you posted 
to ARE available to me.  

Thanks again.
--------------------
George E. Russell

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	     do not necessarily reflect those of the management.